I love a survey, as you may have gathered if you've been reading this column for any length of time (can you believe I've been writing it since 2020?!), and the perfect top ten has landed this week, just in the nick of time for my deadline. Those good folk from American Pistachio Growers have found in a recent study that 50 is the age when people 'no longer feel young'. That means I've got around a year and a half left of my youth, and require an urgent revision to my showbiz age.
The survey of 5000 people aged over 40 found that 38% said being old these days is actually when you reach your 80s rather than your 50s and 60s. You may not be too shocked to learn that those good people at American Pistachio Growers are promoting the nut as a simple, everyday food that can support healthy ageing. They have partnered with TV nutritionist Rob Hobson, who told The Mirror: "Getting older isn't about slowing down, it's about making smarter choices". He added: "Simple habits like eating nutritient-rich snacks, staying active and prioritising sleep can help you feel youthful for longer". Apparently, age is just a number. My sleep stats are terrible, sadly.
The top ten list of "you know you're getting older when"...makes for amusing reading, and I shall award you ten points for each of these that you can relate to. For the record, I score ninety points!
10 - Sitting down to put socks on (who stands up to do this task? That is madness!)
9 - Using phrases like 'back in my day' or 'remember when' (we used to call this 'old people remembering things' when we reminisced about old telly theme tunes and cultural references lost on the young in our previous offices in the mill)
8 - A recurring ache that doesn't disappear (I often feel like I need some WD40 these days when my 5am alarm goes off)
7 - Thinking that new music isn't as good as it used to be (I give you Olivia Dean and Sam Fender to immediately debunk this theory)
6 - Not caring about the latest fashion trends (I never have, which is why radio is the best medium by a country mile)
5 - Enjoying an early night (it used to be a punishment, now it's a treat!)
4 - Preferring a quiet drink over a night out (give a pint of craft beer in a comfy armchair over something more noisy any day)
3 - Preferring quiet venues to noisy ones (see above)
2 - Groaning when bending down (I'm sure I've done this since my 20s at least!)
1 - Talking about aches and pains with friends (I have some knee pain and have a physio appointment straight after writing this piece, ironically).
Just missing out on the top ten, requiring slippers when removing your shoes in the house, reading menus at arm's length, and moaning about politics. That must mean I'm officially old, then. My first taste of pistachios was also quite memorable. It was in the mists of time in 1995, when I was a fresher at university in Liverpool, and I got some from a vending machine in a bar. I'd never eaten one before, so popped a mouthful in, and thought to myself they were unnaturally crunchy. In fact, I almost lost a filling before I realised you're supposed to remove the shells before consuming. Second only to an incident involving ill-advised tequila slammers as my most embarrassing moment at uni.
I'll avoid any political barbs in this week's column, but I did also want to mention that I think in 2026, it's a bit ludicrous that social media is full of unregulated commentary on polling day yet all traditional media can say is that polling stations are open, and there is a full list of candidates standing on our website. It's a playing field I believe needs evening up, and one of the films I watched this week (Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die) highlights clearly the zombifying effect social media is having on our collective attention spans. Who has the time to read beyond the headline before commenting nowadays? If you've got this far in my column, you must be the exception to the rule. I am once again left wondering if we should switch all social media off for a bit. Perhaps that's another sign of my advancing years. Bring back the fax machine, phone boxes, Ceefax, cassettes, and less polarisation.
Alex B Cann column - 09/04/26
Alex Cann's weekly blog - 9th January
