Alex B Cann column -Things that get your goat 30/04/26

Life can be irksome at times, and it's often the little things that get our goat the most. Those nice people at Chupa Chups have come up with a list of the top ten little annoyances, so I thought I'd have a go at grinding your gears, and take you through them.

10 Stubbing your toe (31%) - I'm happy to say I've not done this in a while, but I did have my first middle-aged fall last year in the shower. Whilst it's not a classy look to apportion blame, I do think my wife's slippery conditioner may have had something to do with it. Needless to say, the resulting bruise on my sizeable derriere was like a purple and yellow map of Italy, and I had to sit down quite cautiously for a few days whilst I slathered on the Arnicare.

9 Public transport being late (35%) - I've become something of an expert when it comes to applying to Delay Repay compensation for late running trains. Much as I love channelling my inner Michael Portillo and leaving the car at home, our public transport in the north has a long way to go before it's truly fit for purpose.

8 When you spill something on just washed clothes (36%). Much like taking your car to the IMO is a clarion call to the local seagull population to empty their guts on your paintwork, you can almost guarantee a messy food spill when it's the most embarrassing. Or perhaps that's just me. I was relieved to make it through a soup course and the main at a black-tie event I was hosting last week, something of a minor miracle.

7 Shouting unnecessarily on the phone (38%). It's a good way of ensuring I stop listening to whatever you're saying.

6 People who walk slowly (38%). I fear I might be guilty of this one, so I won't be too harsh on life's amblers. I am doing my best to get my step total above 10,000 a day on average at the moment, but I'm definitely not breaking any speed records!

5 People putting their feet on public transport seating (43%). I saw a video recently entitled "dirt in the bus seat", and let's just say there is a reason why they are various jazzy colours. It doesn't help when selfish folk put their feet on the seats, either in a public transport setting or in the cinema. It's rude, it's inconsiderate, and frankly there should be a punitive fine system in operation, doubled if shoes are also removed (I've seen this happen a number of times at the cinema).

4 People being late (43%). I am trying to panic less about being a minute or two late to stuff, but I really do have an innate dislike for lateness, especially if the person you're meeting hasn't even pinged you a message to explain they are running behind schedule. We all live frenetic lives, and it's discourteous to keep someone waiting without a very good reason.

3 Playing videos loudly without headphones (44%). When did this become a thing? Irish Rail has introduced a new set of etiquette guidelines this week in response to mounting complaints about 'nuisance behaviour' on its trains. Vaping, bags or feet on empty seats, and loud music without headphones are all covered, and train inspectors have been given the power to issue fines of 100 Euros (£84) if passengers fail to adhere to the new rules. It's a shame rules need to be introduced, as all of this stuff is just common sense, and whilst loud music doesn't compromise anyone's safety, it certainly spikes one's blood pressure.

2 Chewing loudly (45%). There's no need for loud mastication, especially in restaurants. Going back to trains, and I'd say there is a case for banning smelly food, or having food-free carriages along the lines of the quiet coach. Who wants to endure the aroma of someone else's burger whilst making a journey?
1 Queue jumping (59%). Whilst other events may have overtaken "Queuegate" ultimately, accusations that two daytime presenters had jumped the queue when paying their respects to the Queen did their brand some serious damage. I get particularly irate when folk push in on the motorway, and essentially life would be a lot nicer if people were more considerate.

What has been missed from the list of life's gripes? Let me know by dropping me an e-mail to alex.cann@notreallyheremedia.com, or tweet me @alexbcann.