If you've been reading this page for a while, you'll know I favour a silly survey, especially when real life is so worrying. We have a president threatening to send another country back to the 'Stone Ages', whilst in the same week he issued more expletive-laden threats to wipe out an entire civilisation, all whilst standing next to the Easter bunny. I really need to lay off the cheese before bed. It's giving me truly awful nightmares. I wonder if the dark side of the moon is the best place to be right now. I kind of envy the Artemis II astronauts, getting away from it all, even with their lava
Anyway, those nice folk at Samsung Electronics have concluded in a new survey that many Brits consider themselves awkward, with nearly four in ten saying they are particularly prone to uncomfortable moments. My wife Sofia likes to say I have the odd 'Mr Bean' moment, so I worry I'm part of this sizeable minority. They've handily compiled a list of the top ten most uncomfortable moments.
1 Calling someone by the wrong name (44%). It's a good job I've never interviewed Laura Beth's icon, Morrissey, as I'd almost certainly end up calling him Robbie. They've never been seen in the same postcode. I don't think there are many scenarios where the wrong name isn't embarrassing, but some could lead to expensive proceedings. It was always my fear when doing wedding discos that one day I would announce them onto the dancefloor, only to get one or both of their names wrong. This thankfully never happened, but I did play the wrong Adele song once.
2 Tripping up when walking (41%). I fell over a kerb near Portland Basin Museum almost a year ago, when rushing to meet my dad for lunch, and drove to Leeds with a bleeding knee. I don't recommend walking and WhatsApping, and haven't done it since this happened. Lesson learned, even though nobody witnessed my calamitous Portland pratfall.
3 Hearing your stomach growl in a quiet room (32%). I guess a funeral might be the worst moment for this to happen, but a two minute silence on the radio comes fairly close. These are true 'heart in mouth' moments, when you hope against hope that the back-up emergency CD doesn't kick in.
4 Trying to get somebody's attention loudly and being ignored (32%). This is always a red face inducing moment, and it happens to me quite frequently, leading me to wonder if some people are selectively tuning me out. I hope not!
5 Being told off (32%). As a grown up, this is always mortifying.
6 Sending a message into the wrong group chat (31%). We are all in so many groups, it's very easily done. I don't think I have ever fallen foul of this one, but I did once send a really cheeky e-mail to the wrong Jonathan, and discovered quite rapidly that the 'recall' function doesn't work very well. A major slice of humble pie was required.
7 Getting into the wrong car thinking it's yours (21%). I've lost my car in the supermarket car park a number of times, but never gone as far as trying to get into the wrong one.
8 Running for the train or bus and not making it (21%). I've missed a fair few trains by cutting it fine enjoying a craft beer at a railway station pub, such as the mighty fine Stalybridge Buffet Bar and the West Riding Refreshment Rooms in Dewsbury. Both have a great tipple selection that easily interferes with public transport punctuality.
9 Forgetting what you were about to say next (21%). One of the worst things that can happen when you're live on the radio, and an increasing risk as I get older. It's the vocal equivalent of walking into a room and immediately having no idea why.
10 Speaking a word aloud for the first time and mispronouncing it (17%). I'm learning a little Welsh at the moment, and it's proving quite challenging. It's a lovely language too. My wife will kill me for writing this, but she's always had trouble saying the word 'escalator', and I've no idea why!
In these fractuous times, I know little embarrassing moments are not the most pressing issue, but they are a welcome distraction from the bigger stuff.
Age campaigners are urging people to stop using phrases like "over the hill" and "stuck in their ways", claiming that their use helps to "entrench ageism" in society. Boffins from the Centre for Ageing Better have quizzed 4,000 people and found that even folk in their 40s and 50s have experienced this type of language. This has taken me down a peg or two after I enjoyed an Elemis facial on my recent break in the Lake District and was told I have the skin of a 41-year-old. Weirdly specific, but I'll take the compliment.
I was discussing one-way systems in the supermarket the other day and thinking back to those strange times when most major supermarkets resembled Ikea. This seems like a distant memory now, along with bog-roll panic buying. As well as the swanky coffee machine, Molton Brown toiletries and posh onesie, the revelation that Peter Murrell (estranged husband of Nicola Sturgeon) bought 108 toilet rolls hours before she implored the public not to panic-buy them certainly raised an eyebrow.
It was tempting to write something this week about the digital darts being fired from the keyboard of the world's richest man, and how it might be better if we just switched social media off for a bit, but for the sake of my blood pressure, I thought I'd share the first part of a musical Top 10 with you.
Back in March, celebrity chef Hugh Fearnley -Whittingstall clashed with the health secretary at the time, Victoria Atkins, over what he claimed was the government's failure to tackle the obesity crisis. Measures such as limits on special offers and banning junk food adverts before 9pm were kicked into the long grass until at least October 2025. Separately, reports have suggested that the pandemic made obesity rates significantly worse among children, as unhealthy eating habits and a lack of exercise became the norm.
A gentle reminder that British Summer Time ends at 2am on Sunday 27th October, and the clocks 'fall back'. There's a survey for everything, and in 2019, a YouGov poll found that 59% of Brits would prefer to remain permanently in BST.
Alex Cann's weekly blog - 9th January
