Red Alert with Steve Shankyaski

In this week's column, Manchester United supporter and comedian, Steve Shanyaski reflects on the Red Devils' abysmal performance against Crystal Palace in their opening Premier League fixture.

In a word, ‘frustration’. All my wildest theories were laid to rest in our opening game of the season. The best team won, Palace. We looked sloppy and toothless… Like giving fruit pastilles to someone with dentures. Once again, I’m asking myself, “What do these guys do pre-season – apart from Greek police chases and the company of Icelandic ladies?”, because we looked like we hadn’t played together at all.

Nothing gelled, we gave the ball away far too often, I thought De Gea looked shaky again - the third goal for example was another cut inside to a near post goal leaving the current United Number One caught planted and out of position – something we saw too often in the final several in the 19/20 season.

Pogba was taken off for giving the ball away and doing next to nothing. I wont be direct and say I’m not a fan of Pogba, because I am aware of his talent, I’m just not a fan of Pogba’s inconsistency.  One game you get a worldy from Pogba, then for the next few games he’s not there.  Well, he’s started the season without being there. Is Pogba fully fit after recovering from Covid 19? Surely the MUFC medical assessors are better than you or I can assess, so I’m saying yes. 

One tremendous positive is the new signing, our only signing so far, Van De Beek. What better start to your career in a United shirt than to score what was our only goal of the game? Previous debut goal scorers have included Zlatan, Rashford, Martial and Rooney’s god-like hattrick against Fernerbahce, so Van De Beek instantly puts himself in great company. I am hoping to see him start against Brighton on Saturday, and possibly get at least half a game against Luton in the Caraboa tonight. Ole has a thing about protecting new young players, so I’m thinking that’s what his strategy will be in ‘breaking him in’, although a lad that gets our only goal in our opening game hardly needs breaking in – he needs breaking out! I’m hoping our opening game was purely first day nerves, and all excuses can be put aside and turned into a team that works together on the pitch… and, as always, I hope we sign at least one more player – either a centre back to remove the need for an out of form Lindelof, or a quality attacking midfielder, specifically called Sancho. Both would be nice, Mr. Woodward!